Breaking Up When You Have Children Together: How To Get a Custody Order

When a relationship ends and children are involved, one question matters more than almost any other: what happens with the kids? If you were never married — or you are separating without divorcing yet — you may have no custody order at all. That is a problem worth fixing quickly.

Why you need a court order

Without an order, both parents generally have equal rights to the children. That sounds fair until conflict starts: one parent refuses to return the children, threatens to move away, or cuts off contact. Police usually will not intervene in a custody dispute without a court order — they will tell you it is a "civil matter." An order turns uncertainty into enforceable rights.

Where to file

In New York, custody and visitation petitions are filed in Family Court — in Rockland County, that is the Family Court in New City; in Orange County, in Goshen. Either parent can file. You can also seek child support at the same time.

What the court decides

Custody has two parts. Legal custody is decision-making: school, medical care, religion. Physical custody is where the children live. Courts can award joint or sole custody, and will set a parenting-time schedule for the other parent. The standard is always the best interests of the children — not what is fair to the parents.

What judges look at

Judges consider each parent's ability to provide a stable home, the children's existing routine, each parent's involvement in daily care, any history of domestic violence or substance abuse, and — depending on their age — the children's own wishes. Documentation matters: calendars, school records, messages showing your involvement.

Do not wait for a crisis

The worst time to file for custody is after the other parent has taken the children or made allegations against you. Filing early — calmly, while things are still civil — puts you in a far stronger position. Temporary orders can be put in place quickly while the case proceeds.

Be careful with your conduct

Everything you do during a custody case is scrutinized. Angry text messages, social media posts, missed visits, and new partners introduced too quickly can all be used against you. Assume the judge will read your texts — because the judge might.

If there is domestic violence

If there has been domestic violence — by either party — the case becomes more complex, and orders of protection may intersect with custody. These cases require careful handling from the start.

Yvonne Garbett has 24 years of experience in the family courts of Rockland and Orange County. She handles custody, support, and divorce matters with the discretion and tenacity your family deserves.

Get Help From the Law Office of Yvonne Garbett

If you or a loved one is facing a criminal charge, a DWI, or a family law matter in Rockland, Orange, or Westchester County, don't wait to get answers. The Law Office of Yvonne Garbett offers service in English and Spanish.

- Visit garbettlaw.com (https://garbettlaw.com) to learn more

- Call or text 845-290-2492 to talk about your next steps

Help is available in English and Spanish — reaching out is the first move toward protecting your future.

This article provides general information about New York law. It isn't legal advice for your specific case.